I’ve made so much progress these few months…where has that gotten me. I’m back to where I started, literally out of my own control. I haven’t self harmed in maybe almost sixth months but I’m five seconds away from having to file my nails down. I’m back at the beginning and I’m so lost I don’t know where to start. I’m being followed by that little black cloud again and I’m upsetting my friends, my family and myself. Im a zombie…nothing. I find people asking me if I’m okay on a daily basis, because I’m usually white and sweaty and drifting off somewhere. I was so happy for so long I was so much better. I didn’t hate myself and i wanted to stay so bad, thinking how could anyone not want to live, how could anyone want to leave this beautiful place. I’m in the dark now. Everyone is faceless. Everything is hazy. What hurts the most is that I was so fucking close to being me again.